


Dean's Realization

by CharlotteEtienne24601



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi!Dean, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Brotherly Love, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Despair, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, M/M, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam is a Good Brother, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteEtienne24601/pseuds/CharlotteEtienne24601
Summary: After Castiel's death, Dean considers his last words. Sam helps and encourages him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Dean's Realization

**Author's Note:**

> I would ideally like this to be way less binary than it is, but Dean barely has a conception of sexual fluidity, let alone gender fluidity, so.

After Cas was sucked into the Empty, Dean was a wreck. He was so distraught that he couldn’t even answer Sam’s call. When he got back to the bunker, he spent all of his free time (when they weren’t working to save the world) thinking about Castiel and how much he missed him.

He also thought about what Cas had said. He had known, of course, that the angel was very attached to him. He even knew that Cas wasn’t as concerned with gender as most humans were. He never would have dreamed, though, that Cas was  _ in love _ with him.

Well. He  _ had _ dreamed it, much to his shame. There were dreams where he and Cas were happily together, completely oblivious to the world of hunters. There were also dreams where he hunted monsters and demons with Cas by his side, just like they normally did, but that Cas ended up in his bed at the end of the day.

Dean had dismissed these as passing fantasies. He  _ wasn’t gay _ , dammit, and Cas...well, there couldn’t be anything like that between them anyway. He had contented himself with being best friends with Cas and treating him like family, and that was a comfortable place for the relationship to land, at least for him.

And then Cas had said it out loud, right before dying. He had told Dean that he loved him, that there was something he wanted from Dean that he could never have. That he  _ thought _ he could never have. Dean wasn’t sure.

_ Did _ he have romantic feelings for Cas? He had considered it, but quickly shut it down. His father had raised him to steer clear of any homosexual feelings. Dean had always been mostly attracted to women, so it wasn’t hard for him to ignore any other possibilities.

Until Cas. Normally, the men he might have been attracted to were in and out of his life quickly enough that he didn’t have to worry about getting attached. And everybody had those kinds of feelings sometimes.

Sam had obliquely referenced it at various times throughout their lives, trying to get Dean to be more open about his  _ feelings _ . Dean had shut that down, because why?

And now Cas was gone, seemingly for good this time, and Dean had  _ feelings _ .

He felt like Cas had left a hole in his heart. Cas was someone he had always depended on, someone who had quickly become family. And Dean had to admit that pretty much everything about him was extremely endearing. The way his hair stuck up all over the place, the way he had been so naïve in the beginning, the way he stared at Dean like he hung the moon. Dean missed him with a constant ache.

And then there was what Cas had said before he died. What was Dean supposed to do with that? Cas told him he was a good, loving person, the best human being Cas would ever know, and then told him he loved him. He had loved Dean. He had loved him and had thought he couldn’t have him.

Dean worked day and night to find a way to get Cas back. No matter what he felt for him, there was no question in his mind that Cas belonged here, with him and Sam and Eileen.

* * *

Eventually, during a break in their research, Sam brought it up with him. “Hey, Dean?”

“Yeah,” Dean grunted, barely looking up from his sandwich.

“Have you…” he paused, weighing his words carefully.

“ _ What _ , Sam?” Dean snapped.

“Have you thought about what it’ll be like when we get Cas back?”

“What do you mean, man? It’ll be the four of us: you, me, Cas, and Eileen. That’s all that matters.”

“That’s what I mean. You...look, I consider Cas family too, right? But, well, he said it himself. You two shared a ‘more profound bond’”.

“So? What’s your point?”

“So maybe you should tell Castiel you’re in love with him if we ever get him back.”

Dean choked. “What.”

“Look, Dean, it’s really obvious. Everybody’s been saying it since you two met, and now that you’ve lost him, you’re pining like you’ve lost your...your husband, I guess. And I think you need to consider that maybe that’s how you think of him.”

Dean closed his eyes, praying to...whom? to Jack? for patience. “Sam, he’s family, that’s all.”

“You know that’s not true. Maybe think of it like this: if he was a woman, would you have hooked up with him and admitted that you loved him?”

Dean huffed. “That doesn’t matter, because he  _ wasn’t _ a woman.”

“Maybe you haven’t even admitted it to yourself, but I think if you really think about it, you’ll realize that you do feel that way.” Sam clapped him on the shoulder, getting up to put his plate in the sink. “I’m just saying, man, if you get another chance to be with Cas, don’t let our homophobic dad get in the way.”

Dean shrugged. “Thank you for your input, Sam.”

Sam patted his shoulder on his way out of the room.

* * *

Despite his snark in the moment, Dean thought carefully about what Sam had said. Maybe he really was in love with Cas. Cas certainly seemed sure, and if Dean looked at all the evidence objectively, he could see where Sam might have a point. Sam was right way too often. The dreams, the long stares between him and Cas, how much they had done for each other over the years...he sighed. 

Was Sam right? He thought back on all his interactions with Cas. They had been unusually close, and, well. Dean could admit that Cas was objectively attractive, with his piercing blue eyes and his puppy dog face. He closed his eyes, thinking of Cas, trying to imagine what a future with him would look like. He could picture it. Dean smiled. “I’m gonna get you back, Cas. And then I’m never gonna let you go again.”


End file.
